Don’t Give Up
This last year I’ve had the privilege of giving support to course instructors and program mentors at Western Governor’s University. I’ve learned so much from them and one of my favorite lessons is from Rita, a very wise mentor. She shared that when a student asks, “What percentage of students graduate?” she answers, “100% of those who don’t quit.”
Isn’t that a good answer! It can be applied to everything. We learn to bake pies because we don’t quit. We learn to have difficult conversations because we don’t quit. We learn how to do spreadsheets because we don’t quit. We grow our faith because we don’t quit. Everything you’ve learned to do well is because you didn’t quit! When it was hard and you failed, you kept trying and practicing until you got where you wanted to be.
Six Ways to Not Give Up
Is there something now you’re considering quitting? Is there something you want to try again but you’re worried you’ll fail? Is there someone you want to help not quit? Consider these six growth mindset actions to help you not give up:
Remember. Remember why you want to achieve the goal in front of you. Why do you want this degree? Why do you want to learn the piano? Why do you want to save money? Why do you want to learn mindfulness? Connecting the reason we want to do something to our bigger life goals, our North Star, gives us power to keep going.
Recommit. After you remember why you want to achieve the goal, it’s good to step back and ask yourself, “Do I still want to achieve this goal? Is it still important to me?” Recommitment is when your spirit says, “Yes. I really want this. This is most important to me. I will be very disappointed if I don’t do this.”
Realign your expectations. We always imagine that learning something new is going to be quick and easy. Experts, who have done the hard work, make it look effortless. Marketers use this message to lure us into buying what they’re selling. So, when you bump into the reality of what mastery requires, accept it as the moment not to quit, but to realign expectations. The skill you yearn to learn will probably be harder, take more time and practice, and will be filled with failures and messes. Adopting realistic expectations about the process of learning is the differentiator between those who quit and those who keep going.
Recalibrate. Just like GPS recalibrates to find a different way to your destination, we can recalibrate how we’re going to achieve our goal. Here are some helpful ways to avoid dead ends.
Start by breaking the goal into smaller steps and if that doesn’t work take even smaller or teenier steps. Flossing your teeth can start with flossing one tooth daily. Running a race can begin with walking the block. When you think you can’t, identify one thing you can. Repeat.
Avoid making a mistake twice in a row. This great advice comes from James Clear. Missing a practice session is going to happen but avoid missing it twice in a row. You’re human and imperfect, but consistency is what keeps us moving forward.
Another recalibration tool is when you get tired, learn to rest, not quit. Step away, take a nap, take a day off. Then come back and try again.
Recognize progress. Playing Rachmaninoff on the piano may be my goal but playing “The Blue Canoe” well is worth celebrating. With a growth mindset, the process is as important as the outcome. Recognize and applaud each step forward and how you’ve learned to be a bit better each day. Give yourself credit for not quitting–that is a significant accomplishment by itself.
Reach out. It’s easier to quit when you’re doing it alone. Surrounding ourselves with a supportive team gets us through the hard times and is there to cheer us on, step by step. Find a teacher, a coach, or a mentor to help you achieve your goal. These are people who will help set realistic expectations, teach skills, provide feedback for improvement, and help you see your progress.
Summary
Don’t give up. Three words that make all the difference. Rita has it right, “100% of those who don’t give up succeed.”
This list is my first attempt at identifying ways to not give up, but I’m sure there are more good ideas. What else do you do? What keeps you going? I’d love to hear from you.