It’s Okay to Not be Okay

“It’s okay to not be okay.” This wisdom has been said many times since Simone Biles chose to step away from competing in most of her events in the Olympics. The situation has opened the door (again) to the discussion of mental health in America. Michael Phelps said it well, “I hope this is an opportunity for us to jump on board, and to even blow this mental health thing even more wide open. It is so much bigger than we can ever imagine.”

What’s sad, but true is that if she had sprained her ankle and withdrawn from competing, there would have been little said other than sympathy for bad timing. There would have been no judgment, no cruel words like, “She’s a shame to our country.”  

Mental health seems to be an easy target for judgment, both from others and ourselves. “I must be weak.” “If they knew I had depression, I wouldn’t get promoted.” “I can’t take a mental health day, instead I’ll say I have a cold.” “I just have to grit my way through it.” “I can’t talk to my family about it.” How deeply we fear letting others see that we’re human, not superhuman. 

We’re Whole Human Beings

When will we stop this absolute nonsense? When will we accept the truth that we are whole human beings and that our bodies, mind, and spirit are tightly woven together? We’ve seen perfect examples of how a healthy body cannot perform its best with a troubled heart. We know from personal experience that physical illness affects our ability to feel peace. A fight with a loved one can produce a stomach ache and the worry of unpaid bills can send us to the carton of ice cream. 

Well-being requires attention to all dimensions of ourselves. These dimensions include physical and emotional health, financial security, work or career, quality relationships, and spiritual centeredness. Consider each part spokes of a wheel. If a spoke is weak or broken, the ability for the wheel to turn is considerably reduced and the undue pressure on the other spokes will eventually cause a breakdown. Self-care is continually strengthening each of these dimensions to prevent breakdowns and paying close attention to early squeaks for a quick remedy. 

Four Attitudes about Mental Health

In my clinical practice, I see four attitudes about mental health: 1) ignore and deny 2) hide, 3) resist help, and 4) own it. 

Ignore and Deny

Those who ignore and deny any mental health problem. This is the “just pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality. To cope, however, it’s acceptable to overdrink, overeat, overwork, or over anything that hides the real problem. I suspect this is the group that is quick to tweet harsh judgments about the smallest mention of mental health. 

Hide

Those who suffer alone, in silence, hiding their pain. They go about their lives as if nothing is wrong, while inside they are writhing in shame for not being better or doing better. 

Resist Help

Those who know there is a problem but resist any treatment or care. “I should be able to fix this by myself” is their mantra. Medication or counseling is for those who are crazy or too weak to figure it out by themselves. 

Own It

Those who own it and recognize that a mental illness or mental distress is just as treatable as a broken leg or a chronic disease like diabetes. They recognize symptoms early and are quick to reach out for help–confident they can discover what treatment works for them. 

An Emerging Attitude 

A fifth attitude is now emerging: those who own it and will openly talk about it. Simon Biles just won the gold medal in this category. With so much of what the world considers success at risk, she exemplified to all what is most important, overall well-being. 

What Does it Mean for You and Me?

Because you’re a reader of my blog, I suspect you already believe in mental health and are actively seeking inspiration, encouragement, and new life skills that strengthen your resilience and well-being. Bravo! Hurray! Great job! 

The next step is to join Simone and many others in speaking up about mental health. Let’s share our experiences of depression, anxiety, overload, perfectionism, etc. and how we’re owning them to overcome them. Let’s make mental health days praiseworthy and saying “no” fashionable. Let’s shout the truth that “it’s okay to not be okay.”