Finding Perfection

My Thanksgiving tables were dressed perfectly but behind the pantry door was utter chaos with everything shoved and crammed on the shelves and floor. One turkey was cooked to perfection, the other was undercooked and not safe to eat in time for dinner. Sunshine glowed on the faces of the babies while revealing dust bunnies on the floor and fingerprints on the windows. Because everything was not perfect, was this a flawed, second-rate holiday? 

As advertisements promote the perfect holiday, the perfect tree or the perfect gift, our expectations follow. If everything, every time, is not impeccable and picture-perfect, it must be imperfect and unacceptable. These imperfections can be taken personally, “I must be defective or incapable of doing anything perfectly.” 

To counter this culture of perfectionism, we could lower expectations, but I prefer a different approach. What if we look for perfection in small pieces rather than big ones? What if we see perfection as temporary, not permanent? And wonder if we never take perfection personally but see it as a combination of effort and a bit of magic? 

Perfection in Small Pieces

A cousin to the perfectionistic mindset is all-or-nothing thinking. If anything in the experience is not perfect, then everything becomes imperfect. There are only two choices: perfect or flawed, nothing in between. Because the turkey was undercooked, the whole meal was ruined. With this view, the focus is only on the turkey and the rest of the meal, so tasty and delicious, disappears. This type of thinking can be so potent, the person may only remember the flaws in the entire holiday.

Changing this mindset is bringing forward the small pieces of perfection while letting the imperfection recede. Focus on the baked brie that was indeed perfect and the turtle pie that was flawless, while accepting that turkey can still be delicious after dessert!

Perfection is Fleeting

It would be wonderful if we could create perfection and it would be permanent. But I can’t think of many things that work that way. I’ve grown out of my perfect shoes, my perfect flower bed now has weeds and dead plants, and perfect relationships always have bumps. 

We need to be present to recognize perfection. It’s there in the glorious sunset that is gone before the person you called to come see arrives. It’s in the first taste of the dessert, the belly laughs of the perfect joke or the dog cuddle at the perfect time. When you see these moments, declare quickly, “Ah, this is perfect.” 

Perfection Requires Magic

The creation of perfection requires effort, which is personal, but the secret ingredient in true perfection is a bit of magic. Effort can create good or excellent, but perfection is touched with a bit of everything coming together at the perfect place and time serendipitously. It’s the perfect pause in a difficult conversation, the perfect blossom opening in a flower arrangement, the perfect workout euphoria. Letting go of the belief we control perfection opens our hearts to letting the magic in. 

The Challenge

Michael J. Fox summarizes this view of perfection well, “The more I expect, the more unhappy I am going to be. The more I accept, the more serene I am.” 

This season, accept imperfect stuff and people, but expect to find many, small, magical, moments of perfection that are all around us.