Become Confident in Managing Conflict — 3 Nephi 27–4 Nephi

Come, Follow Me: Book of Mormon 2024 (October 21-27)

“And it came to pass that there was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people. And there were no envyings, nor strifes, nor tumults, nor whoredoms, nor lyings, nor murders, nor any manner of lasciviousness; and surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God” (4 Nephi 1:15, 16). 

Eliminating contention in our homes requires replacing it with the skills of conflict management because all relationships, even the most successful ones, have conflict. Few of us grew up observing or being taught these skills, but they can be learned and practiced. Surely, if we want to be more Christ-like, we will prioritize improving our communications with others. We will want to learn how to approach a person with love and respect, how to present the problem at hand, and have the patience and desire to listen and stay engaged until a solution is found that benefits both people. We will want to be approachable so others will come directly to us with issues, knowing we will respond with respect, take responsibility for our actions and be open to improve and change. Surely, whatever our age we will want to role-model these skills to our children and grandchildren, so they learn to be confident in managing conflict without contention.  

One resource for communication improvement is the Gottman Institute. John and Julie Gottman, experts on marriage, identified “four horsemen” that can reliably predict whether a marriage will stay strong or end in divorce. These four dysfunctional communication patterns include: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling–contempt being the most destructive in a relationship. Once recognized, these can be counteracted with healthy antidotes outlined on their website: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Exchanging old communication patterns for new ones is like learning to write or eat with your non-dominant hand. It feels clumsy and awkward at first. But having the confidence you can deal with any conflict is worth the effort of learning and practicing over and over again healthy communication skills. 

Do Hard Divinely Better Lesson #41: Learn and use the skills of effective communication to manage conflict and eliminate contention in your relationships. 

(If you would like a list of helpful resources on communication skills, email me at terria.flint@gmail.com.)