A Book That Can Change Your Life
I’ve been a constant reader since I learned to read at 6 years of age and given that I’m 66 years old, that’s a lot of books read! So, it’s a pretty big thing to share with you a book that changed my life and can significantly influence yours. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck describes two different views you can adopt that profoundly affect the way you lead your life at any age. One view is growth mindset, and the other is fixed mindset.
Quick Summary of the Two Beliefs
Growth Mindset Beliefs
I can change. I can change my intelligence, skills, and personality. I can change almost anything.
To make these changes, however, I must be comfortable being a beginner.
Change requires effort and lots of practice.
Failure is a natural part of the change process. Falling down and getting back up is at the core of growth mindset.
Asking for help and feedback is a sign of strength and commitment to learn.
Focus on process, not outcome. Effort counts. Small steps count.
I am always becoming a better me.
Fixed Mindset Beliefs
My intelligence, skills, and personality are fixed. I can’t really change.
If I try something once and I’m not successful, it’s a sign that I’m not meant to learn it.
Change, if it does happen, will be quick and relatively easy.
If I fail or make a mistake, I’m a failure.
Asking for help is a sign of weakness or stupidity.
Focus is on the outcome, not the process. I either win or lose, nothing else counts.
I am who I am.
If you identified with both sets of beliefs, you’re normal. We can have both, but the best choice would be to practice using growth mindset in most situations.
Examples All Around
Once I understood the two mindsets, I could see examples all around me. In wellness, so many folks give up on their goals quickly. Did you know the average length of time a person stays on a diet is…two days! In couples counseling, the first attempt to use a communication skill is expected to resolve all conflict and when it doesn’t, many stop trying. Young children won’t even try a new game because it might be too hard. I often take a class but forget to schedule time to practice the skills and am frustrated when I don’t make progress.
This summer I taught a beginning watercolor class to a group of young women. My goal was to help them approach the activity with a growth mindset. While many jumped into the process and had fun trying new techniques, others were frozen with a fixed mindset. “I’m not good at art.” “My teacher told me I didn’t have any artistic ability.” “This isn’t any good.” It was painful to watch how many of them wanted “effortless perfection.” With their first attempt, their art had to be great, or else it wasn’t worth trying.
Why Growth Mindset Matters
Most of my life has been helping others move out of pain or discomfort to a better place, a happier place. Carol Dweck’s amazing insight and research distinctly illuminates my understanding of these stories.
When we believe we can learn and grow, and are willing to not give up, we can do anything, whether it’s being a better parent, conquering depression and anxiety, or learning to be healthy. This life view is the heart of resiliency.
How to Read the Book
If you want to get to the meat of the book, read pages 1-81, 223-264. If you’re a parent or grandparent, or if you care about kids, don’t miss the chapter on parents, teachers, and coaches. Let the concepts and the science soak into you. Look around for examples of people you admire and see if they use a growth mindset. (The Olympics is filled with growth mindset stories.) Identify fixed and growth mindset language in movies or books. The more you see and hear it outside of you, the easier you’ll begin to recognize it inside of you.
More to Come
I’ve sprinkled mindset language into most of my blogs, but there is much more to share, including how to change mindsets.
A favorite quote worth posting on mindset is from Michael Jordan, a growth mindset icon,
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”