As important as “to-do” lists are, maybe there should be consideration for a “not-to-do” or “stop-doing” list. What you say, would be on this list? Let me give you a prompt: Martha Stewart. 

I grew up with Martha Stewart as the gold standard of what a good homemaker should be. She was the Joanna Gaines of the 90’s with perfectly styled hair and clothes, the queen of clean and tidy inside and out and is a gourmet chef and baker. In her magazine, she has a monthly calendar of scheduled tasks and it’s a kick to read. One of the most notable tasks I recall was a scheduled day to clean her garden tools. I’m all for well-maintained garden tools, but I admit with some silly guilt, I’ve yet to schedule this task. 

What I didn’t realize then, but is so important to remember now, is that these messages, in whatever form they’re delivered, are always just a fragment of the whole story. In truth, Martha has crews of people who do these tasks for her or do other things for her so she has time to clean tools. We commonly overlook these facts and just jump to the irrational message, “All good women schedule time to clean their garden tools.”  

 So, with Martha in mind, here is my stop-doing list: 

 1.    Stop comparing myself to others, remembering I don’t know their whole story. Instead, choose role models very carefully, more for who they are than what they do or have.

2.    Stop holding myself to unrealistic expectations, like cleaning garden tools, having a perfectly organized house, or making my own gift wrap.

3.    Stop being busy all of the time. It’s easy to confuse motion with progress.

4.    Stop being harder on myself than others. I would never, ever say to others what I say to myself when I don’t meet my self-expectations.

5.    Stop considering self-care as indulgent. It’s non-negotiable if I want to be my best self.

This list is actually much harder than my to-do list because it’s linked to becoming a better person, not just checking off boxes. Writing it down has been helpful, and this list is going to be next to my to-do lists so that it gets sufficient attention. I’m also thinking of adding some new items: stop dusting weekly, no scrapbooking, and no guilt for my Diet Coke habit. What are you going to stop doing?